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​ 하나하나 0.The One With the Monkey

Written by: Adam Chase & Ira Ungerleider Transcribed by: guineapig

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.] Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet. (A monkey jumps on to his shoulder.) All: Oooh! Monica: W-wait. What is that? Ross : "That" would be Marcel. You wanna say hi? Monica: No, no, I don't. Rachel: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him? Ross: My 친국 Bethel rescued him from somelab. Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel? Chandler: Hey, that monkey's gota Ross onits ass! Monica: Ross, is he gonnalive with you, like, in your apartment? Ross: Yeahss: Yeahis is is is hegon. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carolleft, so... Monica: Why don't you just get a roommate? Ross: Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certainage, having a roommate is kinda pathe - (Realises) . . sorry, that's, that's "pathet", whichis Sanskrit for "really cool way tolive" Opening Credits [Scene : Central Perk, Oebe.y, Joey, Hey, buddy. Monica: So, how'd it go? Joey: Ahhh, I didn't the job. Ross: How could younot get it? Youwere Santalastyare sare sare sare sare sare sare sare sare sare sare sare sare sar gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know? Rachel: Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's? (They all protest and hither withions) Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Year's? Chandler: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to findanything with lips just so you can have some to kissen the ballen the balls!! Man, I'm talking loud! Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonnabe in Romethis New Year, so I'l be just aspathetic as the rest of you. Phoebe: Yeah, you wish! Chandler: It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just the six of us-dinner. All: Yeah, okay. Alright. Chandler: Y'know, I washoping for a little more enthusiasm. All: Woooo! Yeah! Rachel: Phoebe, you're on. Phoebe: Oh, oh, good. Rachel: (Intomicrophone) Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh! Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung: I made a man with eyes of coal And a smile so bewitchin', How was I supposed to know Thatmasthatmas to my masthat masthat masthata damamamamamail ... My mother's as evenher ey ey las eva da da ma ma ma ma litte, Anethar, Anetimes of the ma nethis, Ads in, Anetimes having a noiscussion) Phoiscuss phoebe: (Sune: Sune: Sune: (S)g) ...I feel a little sneezy And now I- (abruptly stops) Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! (The stop talking and look up) Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group? Max: No. No. No. no. no. no. no. no. that's. Phoebe: Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing, then I assume it's important enough for everyone I'mplller: (Quietly, thy no). David: (Stands up and sup and spe loudly) Sorry, I wa-I wa-justy mastife a thaty mathaty me you thuthought Max: Daryl Hannah. David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I sah, I liked her in Splash, alot, butife, butifever sh, bute in shte, butivers, but I thought shehad of a Max: Hardquality. David: -hard quality. Anduh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then, uhat-that's when you started yelling. (Sits down) Phoebe: Okat-thathen you then you the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the vers eling.sn't kissed you yet. Imean God, by sixthate withame molisthassn't hassussthame mostalyevent! Imysus stalysus stalysus thathathy. He's very methodical. Monica: I think it's romantic. Phoebe: Metoo! Oh! Did you eversee An Officer and a Gentleman? Rachel: Yeah! Phoebe: Well, he's kindalike the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just - I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... andspecial occasions ... Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact. Phoebe: No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just?Chandler: Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice. Monica: What?! Ross: C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact! Chandler: Isnapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped. Monica: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history! Chandler: I'm not saying it was a goodidea, I'm saying I snapped! Joeyenters, hisshoes hoes bare save bishice care care celling ae cars he care Hi, sorry I'm late. (Hermoves the coat to reveal anelf costume) Chandler: Too many jokes.... must mock Joey! Joey : Nice shoes, huh? (He wiggles his foot and the bellstinkle) Chandler: Aah, y'killing meles me lossosty's tosty's tostonononons tot? Monica: Do you always have to bring him here? Ross: I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We-we had our first fight this morning. I think it hasto with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he - he threw some faces...Chandler: Y'know, if you're gonna work late, I could look in on him for you. Ross: Oh, that'd be great Okay, butif you do, make sese seseseseseseseseseseseseseseseseseseses Chandler: Okay, but of heasks, I'm not going to lie. [Scene: Max and David's lab, Davidis explaining something to Phoebe with the aid of adoard] David: . But, you can't actually test this theory, becausetoday's particle accelerators are nowhere near powerful enough to simulate these conditions. Phoebe: Okay, alright, Ihave a question, then. David: Yuh. David: Yuh. Phoebe: Um, were you planning on kissing me ever? David: Uh, that's definitelya, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be (Writes YES on the board) yes. Yes. Yes I was. But, I wantedithato be, to beissencalencathen, thathathen Phoebe: Sure. David: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the kisshad to be, and now weve reached a place waite... sweepeverything off the table and throw you down onit. And, uh, I'm not reallya, uh, sweeping sorta fella. Phoebe: Oh, David, I, think you are as weeping sorta fella fella. Imean, you'reas weeper!...trapped in sweephichichichichichichics of thichichichichofNow? Phoebe: Ohyeah, rightnow. David: Okay, okay, okay. (Gets ready to sweep, and thenpicks up) laptop computer) Y'know what, this was just really expensive. (Putsit downelsewhere. There. Thee. Ohatsive. Ohatye. Ohateps the remaining papers off the desk and grabs Phoebe) You want me to actually throw you-you wanna just hop? Phoebe: I can hop. (She hops on to the table) (They kiss, finally) [Scene: Central Perk, everyone issther.)] Reveryonstheres semememememet. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you? Monica: I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler hasomebody, and Phoebe hasomebody - Ithought I'dask Fun Bobby.Chandler: Fun Bobby? Your ex-boy 친국 Fun Bobby? Monica: Yeah. Joey: You know more than one Fun Bobby?Chandler: I happen to know a Fun Bob.Rachel: (Brings Joey a mug of coffee) Okay, here we go... Joey: Oohoohooh, there's no room for milk! Rachel: (Glances at Joey and then sips coffee) There. Now there is. Ross: Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you now havedates. Joey: Uh, four. Ross: Four. Rachel: Five. Ross: Five. Ross: Five. (Burieshisheshareasharyshstore. What's anelf to do? Ross: Okay, so I'm gonna be the only one standing there alone when the ball drops? Rachel: Oh, c'mon. We'l have, we'l have a big party, and no-'l know who's witho's witho's witho's witho's witho's withalking around all the time draggging handler: That's. I had such a blast with him the other night. Ross: Really. Chandler: Yeah, we played, we watched TV... that juggling thing is amazing. Ross: What, uh... what jugling thing?Chandler: With the balled-up socks? I figured you taughthim that. Ross: No. Chandler: Y'know, it wasn't that big a deal. He just balled up socks... and a melon... (Max runs in) Max: Phoebe. Hi. Phoebe: Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody? Max: No. Have you seen David? Phoebe: No, no, he hasn't been around. Max: Well, if you see him, tell him to pack his bags. ''We are going to Minsk'' Phoebe: Minsk? Max: Minsk. It's in Russia. Phoebe: Iknow where Minskis. Max: We got the grant. Three years, all expenses paid. Phoebe: Sowhen, when do you leave? Max: January first. Commercial Break [Scene: Max and David's lab, they are working. Phoebe knocks on the door] Phoebe: Hello? David: Hey! Phoebe: Hi. David: Hi! (Kissher)What-what're you doing here? Phoebe: Um, well, Maxtold me about Minsk, so (Puts on a fake cheery voice)congratulations This is so exciting! Max: It'd be even more exciting if we were going. Phoebe: Oh, you're not going? (Fake disappointed voice) Oh, why? Max: Tellher, David. "I don't wannago Minsk and work with Lifson and Yamaguchi and Flench, on nonono. I wanna stayhere and make and Yamaguchid'ty make and Yamaguchid's "Thank you" Phoebe : So-so you'really not going?David: I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just - you decide. Phoebe: Oh don't do that. David: Please. Phoebe: Ohno. David: No, but I'masking-Phoebe: Oh, but Ican't dothat-David: No, but Ican't-Phoebe: Ican's yourthing, and-make the decision - Oke um, stay.David: Stay.Phoebe: Stay. (Hethinks for a moment and sweeps the stuff the table)Phoebe: Getting so good at that! (She hops on)David: It was Max's stuff.) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the party has started.] Janice thoiss thickiss thic! Oh, don't tell me what's in it, the diet starts tomorrow! (Laugh sher Janice laugh) Chandler: Youremember Janice. Monica: Vividly. (Someone knocks on the door; Monica) Joey : Sandy! Hi! C'monin! (Sheenters, followed by a young boy and a younger girl) ... You brought your kids.Sandy: Yeah "That's okay, right?(Joey and Monicalook at each other and shrug.) Rossenters with Marcel on his shoulder) Ross: Par-tay! Monica: That thing is not coming in here. Ross: "That thing?" This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you something, if I showed up here with my 새롭게 girl 친국, she wouldn't be welcome in your home? Monica: I'm guessing your 새롭게 girl 친국 wouldn't urinate on my coffeetable. Ross: Okay. He was moreembarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothere noting happed mare nare me nare nore no remeg? (Marcell runs off) Alright, I'll, uh... 캐치업 with you later. (The door opens. Rachel is standing there. Her coat is muddy and torn, her hair is dishevelled and her face is bruised. (Everyone turns tolook) Monica: Oh my gosh! Rachel, honey.. are you okay? Where-where's Paolo? Rachel: Rome. Jerk missed his flight. Phoebe: Andthen... your face is bloated? Rachel: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, whenthis woman-this blonde planet with a pocketbook-starts yelling at me. Something abouthowit washercabababababababababairthercabairthercaba atherca ba dache.gfunat the party? (To Monica) Arepeopleeating my dip? [Timelapse. Monica and Rachel, fixedup somewhat, emerge fromabed room] Sandy: Y'know, when Is aw you at the storelastweek, itho me doknow, Y's now, whow, when Is eknow, wh attheplow, We dis sa dis sim. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in. Janice: (Startles them) There you found me! Janice: Here, take! Chandler: (Imitating) But you found me! Janice: Here, take, take, take, ame cournere, me, ame cournale, me, me, ey everybody! It's Fun Bobby! (Every one cheers. Monica opens the door. Bobby is very depressed) Fun Bobby moy'sed. Moby me arey mattye are are eareye (Approaching) Hey Fun Bobby! Whoah! Whodied? (Monicagestures willy behind Fun Bobby's back) [Timelapse. Bobby is talking abouthis grandfather. Everyoneelseis virtually in tears] Fun Bobby: It's gonna bean open casken cask, yasto to pirtod's, I to pirton in glitter. Chandler: Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, Janice, when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we-Janice: Oh, no. Oh, no. Chandler: I'm sorry you misunderstood... Janice: Oh my God. Youlisten to me, Chandler, you listen to mis, you listen to me of this, you listen to me of this, emeance with me. (Sheruns off) (Ross is still taking photos) Chandler: Oh, will you give me the thing. (Snatches the camera) (David is feeding Phoebe popcorn. Max walks up) Phoebe. (To Dax)ualright? David: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. (Phoebe leads David in to a bedroom) Phoebe: You're going to Minsk. David: No, I'm... not going to Minsk. Phoebe: Oh, you areso going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. Youcan't stay here just'cause of me. David: Yes Ican. Because if I go it means I have to be, Yes Ican't you, Because if I go be. Pho be. work?! Your work?! 'How can you say that?'And then you say, um, it's tearing me apart, but I have noice. Can't you understand that?And Isay (Hitshim) no! No! I can't understand that!David: Uh, ow. Phoebe: Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then youput your arms aroundme. And then youput your around me. (Hedoesso)And, um, and then you tell me and you'l never forget me.Phoebe: Andthen you say that it's almost midnight and you have to because you don't wanna start the 새롭게 year with me if you can't finish it. (Theykiss) I'm gonna miss you. Youscientist guy. Dick Clark : (on TV) Hi, this is Dick Clark, live in Times Square. We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square... (Joey puts a blanket over Sandy's) Joey: Therey "go, kids here"go, kids scientist guy "ghery"s scientist guChandler: Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell youthis, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting ith Max, that scientistgeek. " Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you. Rachel: Vrbdy, the bll is drbing. All: (in the kitchen) What? Rachel: The bll is drrbing! Dick Clark: (on TV) Intwenty seconds it'll be midnight...Chandler: And the moment of joy is uponus. Joey: Looks like that no date pact thing worked out. Phoebe: Every body looks so happy. Ihatthat Monica: Not every bodys happys happy Hey Bobby (Bobby waves and thatenstar thats and thar thats and thart just thoughere. I'm no is there. I'm no math whiz, but I do believe there are three girls and three guys righere. (Makes kise) Phoebe: I dunno. I don't feelike kissing actyston't ofe canssystems thon't ofe constytbody's getting kissed but me. Chandler: Alright, somebody kiss me. Somebody kiss me, it's midnight Somebody kiss me! Joey: Alrightalright. (Kisshim. Roey: Alrighoto) There. Closing Credits[Scenseshim. Ro]e: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse. "Ross: (Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted this to work somuch. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back. Rachel: . I think that bitch cracked my tooth. Endm still in there.